Drinkin With A New One

Last evening the Bears played the Redskins and although I am not a fan of either it was a great excuse to get out and do some good old fashioned beer drinking during the week. One of my fellow employees, Mr. Ryan Beck, is a solid Bears fan and we have been talking about sharing a cold one for a while so I pounced on the opportunity. At about 9am when I first started thinking about drinking plans for the night I asked the lad if he'd like to join for the ball game. I recommended The Draft House, my local dingy funky cheap nasty slow crawl of a pub. I had forgotten that people of the normal human race aren't fans of such dives for the reasons of physical harm, emotional distraught, and disease. I like a bar where contracting an STD from your bar stool is a real possibility and I often forget that this concerns most other members of society. Ryan then recommended The Fox and Hound, a very nice sports bar down the street. His words were typed exactly like this:

RyanCras: 2 dollar pints and half off appetizers and more titties than you can throw your jizz at
RyanCras: ...and I DO throw my jizz

Recalling that I'm a sick weirdo and haven't been to a nice establishment in what could be years I obliged and continued with the day.

Here's the post work-day lineup for the game:

Me: Nuff Said.
Joan: Well seasoned and veteran drinker post 2 seperate stabs at AA
Steve: Current AA member who has burned the silly wagon down
Ryan Brannigan: Professional beer drinker and Bears fan to boot.
RYAN BECK: ?

Joan and I arrive to Ryan woofing down a dozen honey hot chicken wings and nursing a pint of brew. The game was a dull stalemate for most of the first half, and eventually Steve showed up. Beer, beer, beer, and Ryan orders a basket of soft pretzels with cheese sauce. And a diet pepsi. Unacceptable. If I am only good at one thing it is peer pressuring company into sin, and I wasn't about to have this Thursday turn into a diet cola how-was-your-day party. I arm wrestled Mr. Beck into another beer, knowing that just a couple beers force fed to our protagonist and he would crave it's sweet nectar the rest of the eve.

During the third quarter the 5th member of our party arrived, my roomate Ryan Brannigan. Now through the power of deliciousness, alcohol's firm grasp tightened as Mr. Beck watched the 4 of us drink faster and faster. The game ended with the Bears blowing it late in the fourth and I was ready to go. However my solid beer drinking compadres refused to allow me to wimp out. After all we were at a bar and bars do have all the requirements of good living and were we to leave clearly our quality of living would decrease. Time for some billiards. At this point of the night I have had a meager 6 or 7 pints. Ryan Beck looked over at me after finishing off his 6th or 7th and said "Seriously dude are you going to be at work tomorrow?" Ugh...yes of course, I've been concerned before when it's been 4:30am and I'm 46 cocktails deep, but a six pack has never kept me from anything but a better buzz. I now realized we were dealing with one of these guys that say things like 'Yeah but I'm not really much of a drinker.' Now I know it's my mission to get this poor guy plowed; luckily I didn't have to.

Beer beer beer, shot, beer. Suddently in the midst of a game Ryan Brannigan is approached by a gang of younger fraternity looking guys. "Wooooowoo any of y'all mutherfuckers drink beer real fast over here wooooh!" With the prospect of free beer Brannigan was in and joined their table. The frat dudes needed a 4th member of the team as they were one short...for a game of anhorman. Andchorman is a game in which two teams of 4 (or however many) get on either side of a long table and drink beer real fast. As soon as the player to your left drinks their beer real fast then you are allowed to start drinking your beer real fast. Finally the anchorman must drink their own beer real fast, and as soon as their beer is empty and back on the table beofre the opponent's anchorman you are winner of drinking beer real fast. I tried earlier to explain this game to my boss and he said that he too plays this game but with less rules. He calls it just drink your fuckin drink and he plays it all the time.

Outside for a smoke and the frat boys followed after a close match but Ryan's team did eek out a victory, somewhat numbing the pain of his Bear's loss. One of the frat dudes said to Ryan that he reminds him of this dude Dan he knows. Ryan said that Dan is his brother and they look very much alike and the crowd of testosterone filled strangers erupted into laughter. "Fuck yeah dude you're RYAN! DANNY'S brother!? Yo me and him fucked this girl on camera last year that dude is fuckin awesome!"

What a great introduction. Now our once simple about to drink newbie was clammoring to get involved in some anchorman action to and off he went. Let's just say that at 11 when we left there was little left of the man who's drinking skills we once questioned. Stumbling out of the bar he left us but this morning upon his arrival an hour and ten minutes late I messaged him to see how he was doing. Here was the answer:

GregCras: Did you survive the evening? How did it end for you?
RyanCras: ran 2 miles when I got home lifted some weights called my ex-girlfriend and rambled on her cell phone - no clue what I said. Then I called her ex boyfriend and best friend holly and rambled to them for an hour about how I hate the bitch and can't beleive she's doing what she's doing to me - thanks Greg

You're welcome buddy. It's what I do.