The BPP Finale

Well that was everything I assumed it was going to be. The BPP was a smash success! The day started early beause I am a procrastinator and had prepared for the BPP with only ideas. My roomate Ryan and I decided to go with the Porn Pool over the last second idea Palsey Pool which included putting our wheelchair Zippy in the center of our pool. Our first obstacle was getting a pool. Swimming season is almost over out here in Arizona, so we got the bad news that WalMart and Target had no baby pools for sale. So I hit the horn and found a swimming pool specialty store and scored. They had just put a 4' baby pool on clearance for the off season. Score! $15 later and we had our pool. $8 porn mag from the liquor store around the corner. $10 in condoms, platic sleeves, and equipment to make a sign. $3 in chicken fingers at the deli (I was starving). And we had the makings of a porn pool. Also in our arsenal was a tube of Anal Eaze, a fist full of beads, a dildo, and an S&M whip; all of which came from my house from my personal stash, which was a quick reminder to myself of what a pervert I am. Yay me.

The first thing of note was the huge life guard chair in the center of the yard. It had crucifixtion sized nails sticking out all over the place and the design was complete fly by night. Awesome. Dave said he built a full sized life guard chair, but you take these things with a grain of salt. Good job buddy. Then team Porno Pool's arts and crafts began. A wonderful humbling experience is defined when you're cutting out hard core pornography and stuffing it into protective plastic sleeves in your buddies living room while guests you've never met before are entering the party. Try starting up a conversation with a member of the opposite sex you don't know while cutting out a 9" cock held in place by 2 huge fake tits. Blew the pool up, designed the sign, laid out the beads, dropped in the Anal Eaze, unwrapped a couple of condoms, wrapped one around the dildo, it was magical. The dildo sank tip first to the bottom of the pool but the hind end FLOATED! Like a diving stick in mature-people-pools! To top it all off, the cherry on the sundae, the Anal Eaze FLOATED! So when we were filling the pool with water the current from the hose made the butt lube fly around the little 4' pool, it was awesome. Hell YES! Sadly once it was at max capacity we discivered it had 2 little holes in it, side by side. So the porno pool was leaking and had a pair of holes, and I thought that kind of made it a little more pornoesque, so I was okay with it.

So here's the layout, the competition. A pirate pool. It was purchased, as is, so there was no add on creative extras. It was a dope pool though, complete with a water cannon and a slide, it dwarfed my little porno pool. The Rennaissance Era Pool was just a black tub, it looked like a horse trough. The provider claimed it was like taking a bath in 1862; I think the owner hadn't picked up a history book in a while. Ah the chronological science of a drunk. And Davey and crew provided the 4th pool, the Oktoberfest Pool! Dave had to work in the morning, so it was up to his teamates Rachele and Chris to decorate it. At 8:30 AM Dave gets a call fromthe ladies asking where a good place for bloody marys would be. The decor was bypassed for the need to intake tomatoe and vodka first thing in the morning, so it was just a plastic blue Oktoberfest-less pool, but the team dressed the Oktoberfest part well so that counts for a chunk of points. The 5th team couldn't find a baby pool for purchase, so he showed up in a pirate outfit to overtake other people pools, unknowing that a team of 4 had already established the pirate garb. However in team 5's defense he was a bad ass looking pirate. I however was unaware that this was a dress up party along with the whole dressed up pool thing, though in hind site I probably could have put 2 and 2 together; I just totally missed a sweet opportunity to dress up like a porn star, damn!

So the beer drinking began, and the usually keg o beer stuff starts taking place. Then a bucket of chalk was found and the grafiti began. Dave asked the crowd to please write the most awful thing you could think of on his walls and patio. "I heart racism, the holocaust is a joke, Jay (Team #5 and Pakistani) will steal you plane, Jews are all rich, white people have lots of stuff, If she's older than 15 I'm not interested, etc, etc." You got it Dave. I somehow doubt any responsible guests will be invited over to the Harper compound anytime soon, but then again somehow I doubt that that compound knows too many overly responsible humans. Dave finally kicked off the waterworks by putting on a pair of flippers and Jacque Cousteau-ing it into the Pirate Pool where Rachele and Jen were getting their feet wet. Appropriately 2 cups of beer were immediately dumped on his head. The party went as parties go, beer beer beer beer beer hillbilly golf, washers, and finally the usual surprise at 8:30 when the keg kicked and it was beer run time. 3 and a half cases of beer were rescued from the local Mart and the party was saved. There were no terrible injuries, everyone got hammered, and there was plenty of porn for all to see.

-Side note: upon the tedious task of picking out the perfect porn mag my teamate said that we have to make sure we get both kinds of porn so we have plenty of cock and plenty of tits for the mixed audience. I had to calmy remind him that straight porn contains both key elements all in one neat little nude package.