My Pal Ali

I've been fortunate enough to have my good friend Jayson Ali aka "Musi" (Pronounced Muz-zee as in short for Muslim as in the guy looks like a friggin terrorist and Alladin got in a fuck contest) be my director here at the school. He generally represents the weedeity of the department and I represent the boozeity- but do not be fooled my friends! Musi is a spectacular drinker and can often be found with a flask full of fancy vodka in his pocket for the just-in-case situation. Our former partner Dave was always known for his extreme drinking skills also, but could also play ambassador to the vices a bit. When I was playing weekly with The Spirit Merchants, Davey and I's band-which Jayson eventually joined too- Thursday was the show night; making Friday the painful...painful...painful day here at The Conservatory. We would play late, drink for free, and rock until 3 or 4 in the morning weekly. Since those days we have somewhat kept the trait of Thirsty Thursdays or whatever the hell you want to call it; you can often find one of the two troopers remaining with bloodshot eyes and unkempt hair on Friday mornings.

Here is the actual transcript of the IM Jayson sent me this morning first thing:

jaysonalicras: i think i am going to throw up

jaysonalicras: again

GregS CRAS: ?

GregS CRAS: no throwing up

GregS CRAS: you gotta quit being sick on the weekends, you can't call out on the weekend bro

jaysonalicras: lol

GregS CRAS: sick or brown bottle fever?

jaysonalicras: bbf

GregS CRAS: nice lmao

jaysonalicras: went to devils martini last night

jaysonalicras: 2 for 1 drinks

jaysonalicras: plus i know the bartender...

jaysonalicras: bad combo..

GregS CRAS: 4 for 1 Friend Special?

jaysonalicras: for me at least

GregS CRAS: i heart substance abuse

jaysonalicras: lol

Hours later Jay pulled up to my location (he works at our Tempe location and I in Gilbert) and plopped down into my office. Unshaven, hair matted down, sunglasses, I'm sure you know the look. Him and 2 friends went to Devil's Martini, clearly an appropriate name. They left with one car less- it was cab time- and one more in tow, I'm assuming a fantastically hot looking drunk Scottsdale bimbo. After closing the bar down it was off to his friend Chuck's house where the bottles went down and the bongs came up. While Jayson was pulling a handful of tubes and grabbing a bite of pizza, the sounds of a world class drunken screaming coitus session reverberated throughout the home from upstairs. But as most weeknight late night party sessions go, 8:30am was approaching way too fast. Jayson slept for a pair of hours and grabbed a 5am cab back to his car and got back home for a short nap before work. At 8:37am my fine Musi friend opened his eyes to a painful morning in which there was no time for the muchly needed hangover shower. Clothes on and out the door and I'm so happy he did. Sitting in my office looking at his hair it was clear which side he napped on the previous eve. Smelling of Robert Downey Jr., he was aware that at noon he could still be DUI potential as he prepared to leave back for Tempe. Good drinking Jay, good drinkin'.

On his way out our hungover protagonist spies the back right side of his car, and it is no longer flush. A giant foot long dent is embedded into it along side the trunk. Trying to console him we see that in conjunction with the sad hungover mysterious dent is a giant cock written in the dirt on his back window spurting wiener milk out the top like Krakatoa. I love next day mysteries even when they really really suck. And exploding cocks drawn in car windows is always entertaining to me because I am a giant child. Good job Jay, now it's Friday so go bite that summummabitch dog pal!