My Students are Drug Addicts

And thank God for that. Money's been a bit tight lately and tonight I have one of two remaining classes to attend to for a little court case that's been keeping me cheery for the past 7 months. The classes aren't free and are mandatory, and if I don't show it could be jail time for ole Uncle Greg. If I show but don't pay they send me home and it's the ole iron bars too. So last night I knew that the $0.78 in my laughable checking account would not cut it. I also am aware that said class begins right after work and so I have the next 4 hours to figure out how to conjure enough dough, $20-$40. Time to get resourceful.

First stop, time to hock my precious, wonderful Gibson Nighthawk. I love this guitar dearly but the truth is I haven't played it in years. I called up Guitar Center and inquired and was told it'll go between $400-$1k. Electricity Bill here I come baby! Now from what I remember (2 years ago, that's a lot of memories deleted and hazed via substance abuse) this guitar was in prestine condition! So that's what I told them at the GC. Now keep in mind that I also don't have a vehicle thanks to some jerkoffs who thought it would be funny to steal my license plate, so i also need a lift. Called a few friends, no luck. Asked a few peers at work, no dice. I'm not going back to jail over $20 so I humbly started dialing...students that i've gotten close to. Afterall I can always threaten them with a shitty internship or 'mysterious' failing grades! One student, Mr. Poe, lives in the same complex as I do, and I'll be damned it's his day off and he's home. Score. He agreed to pick me up and drive me the 10 miles to Guitar Center, and off we went (after I bummed a ride home from one of the Administration Representatives- godamn I'm a mooch but desperate times come a callin...)

Arriving at Guitar Center I proudly walked in, checked in my axe, and found the guitar tech. Of course I started talking the Nighthawk up, I love this guitar. I unzipped the case and presented my piece, and much to my shock, 'prestine' is not the phrase I would use to describe it. Other adjectives such as 'scratchy,' dirty, 'unpolished,' would be much more appropriate. i still know I can sneak $250 or so out of them. Right? I'm counting on this damned money! After 20 minutes the word came down from the higher ups. Nope. Although the axe still plays like a dream, she isn't the big titted blonde that like to show 'em at the local dive bar she used to be. . I felt totally dejected, like when someone tells you 'Ooooh Greg you can really do better' and you realize that you're dating the nasty girl with bad breath and even though she sucks great cock and tells you she loves you in reality she couldn't finish high school and works at the local fertilization plant. Damn. Well at least I get to keep my baby but the thought of mace wielding officers guarding my bunk every night is starting to make me nervous.

One more guitar shop to go. It's a local establishment, Mom & Pop style. I know that I'm not going to get as much for her, but even $150 will save my nuggets. So Mr. Poe was kind enough to give me a humble lift to shop #2. As we pull up the sign not only is unlit, but there's a fine reassuring sign that this guitar will not be sold proclaiming the words 'LEASE FOR SALE.' Sorry Mr. Poe, I've bummed a ride all over the city for nothing. I kindly offered to put $0.78 worth of gas in his ride and he declined. A new problem is developing also, and that problem's name is nicotine. Including my lust for Fleishman's Vodka is also a lovely addiction to smokes and the meter is reading two left. Back to the couch to regroup.

Eye spying my apartment a wall of Xbox games caught my sight. Now last time I sold a chunk of games I got about 12 bones for 15 games. Resale on old shitty games is not so hot despite the fact that I think that Worms Armageddon is a priceless piece of modern entertainment. So I painfully bagged up 13 games in hopes of at least getting enough for a surrendering pack of smokes and a bum bottle of Popov to drown the failing sorrows into. With no ride available now I hoofed it to the local video store and was told by the clerks that the 'gaming dude' isn't there. Jesus what a killer string of crap luck. But the deitys of luck are still out there and can be found with a little bit of time, effort, and resourcefulness. I opened the bag up at the counter and asked the guys if there's anything they could do for me anyhow. Thanks God these dudes are nerds, they liked the games, made a call to the stoned up gamer dude, and in what I imagine was a haze of thick smoke told them to just give me $2 a game. For anyone that's tried to hock games before you know that that is well overpaying for games that came out years ago. $28!! Even better the clerk told me "Fuck it dude we'll round it up to $40 to make sure we're not ripping you off Mr. Stefus." I love these guy's arithmetic! I damn near tipped the dude- damn near.

So I needed $20, $40 would have been perfect, but the need for smokes was taking control and I was willing to take the risk in hopes of a little leeway from my class counselor. So I've gone from hopeless to potential celebration mode, from Popov's to Fleishman's!! It's not really an upgrade but it is the truth. I took my Chevrolegs to the grocery store and skipped home like a guy who just scored $40 and was about to have an unexpected cocktail and smoke. Sweet! A happy Greg sat at home enjoying what was likely the last few hours of cable before it gets shut off anticipating the new South Park episode whenst a knock begat my door. Mr. Poe had returned with his brother, both with beers in hand, and invited me out to the pub next door. Already feeling guilty for spending money on booze that should have been saved for substance abuse counseling I declined- until they told me the beers and billiards was on them. I'm in.

PRELUDE STORY- 7 weeks ago my girlfriend decided she didn't want to drink anymore and wanted to smoke green leafs instead to avoid the hangover. That lasted for 4 days, but the bag of horticulture still existed in my freezer.

The bar was the bar, cold beer, good company, the usual. Now I've been partying with students after a harsh evening of despair, cheers to success! But at 11pm I knew responsibilities were calling me, I had class in the morning with these dudes and I'll be damned if I'm going to show the weakness of a hangover to students I've been drinking with. Mr. Poe offered me a ride home and on the way him and his friend discussed how they wish they had some devil lettuce to partake in. Come on up boys. $20 more in my pocket and one baggie of sticky stuff less, I'm buzzed, I'm up $60 on the evening, I have the full $40 for class, and I officially sold naughty lawn to my own students. Morals? Not for me officer, I don't keep ethics round here!

Don't judge me, -G